A friend had suggested me to "feel into my writing"... I was not even sure what it actually meant, but I decided it did not matter. So I sat at the dinner table, lit a candle, put on some nice and calming music, and took a pen.
Then I waited...
And here it is... (surprisingly it came out in English, while I'm French speaking).
The Essence is waking up inside me. My own Essence, my own Light. Something profoundly healing and also something that calls for healing. Something that has felt abandoned, neglected, ignored ever since I can remember.
Yesterday my soul was so joyful that I couldn't breathe deeply, only shallow. But it was fine. It was even a reason to rejoice. Realizing that so much is willing to go through me and that I'm not yet able to let it all in because of how contracted I've always bee. Always watching, scanning, fearing.
This contraction makes me more aware of how much is waiting for me, how much magic wants to flow through me, how much inspiration is calling me forward to the Magic of the Unknown.
My soul wants adventure, laughter, abundance. My heart wants to burst open wildly. My body wants to delight in every sensory experience I can have.
It's time to breathe. It's time to fly. It's time to in-joy myself fully, completely, wholeheartedly. It's time to let it out... all of it, yet piece by piece as all of it at once would be more than I can now handle.
Current uncomfortable circumstances have me facing... me!
Not what I do or how.
Not how much money I make.
Not even who I am being now, who I'm letting myself be now.
Not any of that.
But who I already am, and yet am in the process of becoming, instant after instant... as this Essence of mine, of God, is coming closer to the surface, closer to the light, closer to the world.
Where are all those words coming from?
All I had to do was make the time and sit down with a pen and paper. Words are flowing from me like a river of possibilities, as stream of consciousness, an ocean of new life.
Where have I been all those past years?
What have I been so afraid of that I felt the need to lock myself up (or down?) into myself?
Stop feeling, stop hurting, stop laughing.
Stop breathing, stop living.
Here I am, in awe of the light that surrounds and carries me, and playing around with it with my pen on a white page, where anything and everything is to come to life...
What is happening to me?
What's that rush of life that's gently shaking me up inside and bringing tears?
Today is my 16045th day of life. I've received yet another one... sacred and to be honored.
That's what I'll do today.
